The Great Hate

What a lovely holiday weekend!  This morning I awoke bright and early only to discover that we were very short on breakfast food.  In fact, we had none unless leftover curry would be OK for breakfast.  So, it seemed we would be eating out for breakfast and we headed down to the Starbucks on Powell and Sutter near Union Square.

On Sundays I often like to buy a real newspaper (made with paper and ink!) from my favorite newsman Joe.  Joe is there every Sunday and I recommend you buy a paper from him if you happen to be in the area as he is a great guy!

We then bought a few edibles and I even decided to buy the sugary laden Pumpkin Spiced Latte instead of making my usual tea at home.  We came back to the apartment, checked to see what deals were going on at the national stores due to the holiday and then I finally got to the news.

The first thing that surprised me was that there were no articles decrying this socialist holiday which we all seem to be celebrating.  Perhaps all the talking heads over at Fox either do not realize this is a “socialist” holiday or perhaps they are all busy celebrating it!  This seems very strange to me as almost daily something or other is deemed “socialist,” which in Fox News mind equals bad, evil, Nazis and so on.  I really think Sarah Palin should put out a tweeter (sic) to bash this weekend as un-American and non-capitalist!  Or maybe she is on holiday as well?

At this point, I started to realize my own thoughts turning very negative and fought very hard internally to remain happy and enjoy my weekend.  I tried using the tricks I laid out in my post ‘Mind Control‘ and keep the metaphorical Darth Vader from my post ‘Astrological Signs and Blood Types‘ at bay.  After all, so far so good in the news as the word ‘socialist’ and ‘Nazi’ had not even been mentioned once, so it was my expectation of nonsense from the Right and not receiving any that was causing the Dark Side to win!  I guess the Dark Side works in mysterious ways…

Fortunately, my internal Skywalker had the upper hand and was able to banish the thought from my mind.  Unfortunately, the media in America is quite relentless and the next couple of articles were filled with murders, opposition to mosques, immigrants and politicians screaming at each other.

At this point I had finished my Pumpkin Spiced Latte and realized much too late that sugar and negative articles must be catnip for my personal Dark Side and before I knew it, Darth Vader had thrown Skywalker off a cliff and I was squarely in the black with my internal Ying and Yang.

FEEL THE POWER!!!!  Thoughts began to race in my mind and I came up with a wonderful solution!  It seems the nation (as portrayed by the national media) needs a full-on enema.  We need a release from all this pent up anger.  It has been simmering for too long just waiting for an explosion and my proposal will give everyone just that.  Instead of being hopeful and loving, let us not strive to be a candle in the dark, but instead, let us blow out everyone else’s candles!


At first glance this may seem awful to say, but I believe due to the already present negative current passing through society and politics this is just a natural destination.  We already have a national day of love in Valentine’s day and to reach a balance shown by the Ying and Yang we need a counter force.  Enter, the National Day in Celebration of Hatred.

The first thing we must decide is who will be our patron.  All holidays have a main character; Christmas has Santa, Valentine’s Day has St. Valentine, Easter has the Easter Bunny, so which character would be a perfect fit for hatred?

At first thought, one might say Hitler but as he is already mentioned enough by Fox News and Co, and has become overused and cliché.  Satan perhaps?

No, Satan is a bit too much.  As this will be a new American holiday it will probably do well to look to the causes of all this hatred and through a constant barrage of jingoist demagoguery really inspires people to hate others.

Now that I have reasoned it out, the patron should be quite obvious.

Yes, Rush will do nicely.  I cannot think of a better example of the incarnation of hatred and all that is evil.  He appears to the masses daily on his radio sermon and incites people to absolutely detest something or other.

Fear, paranoia, hatred, these are the words that perfectly describe the devil pictured to the left.  Bow down to the new master!

So, we now have our patron and the next thing to decide is who or what you personally hate.  Do not be afraid, give in to the dark side and let the power flow.  This will be a personal experience and unique to everyone.  Certainly, in the current climate you must be able to rattle off quite a few groups you hate!  Let the hatred shine!

Perhaps I could offer some examples to get you started.  Just about every group in history was hated at one time or another so there should be no shortage.  But for our purposes let’s just start with a bit of American history and work up from there.

The first people to arrive in America:

These were those fleeing hatred in Europe.  Whether historically correct or not, we’ll just call them British.  So for practical reasons, we’ll just say that the British people who over time became Americans are our baseline for our chain of hate.  (We will not mention the Native Americans here since we all know what happened to them and I can’t think of a single one spreading the gospel of hate now so it would mess up our “hate chain”)

Now, let us pick out certain groups to hate.

Subsequent arrivals (Immigrants)

Over time, these British people turned into Americans.  Then more immigrants started to arrive and there was plenty of friction between these different ethnic groups.  In order to aide us in our hate, I have provided a map, based on historical trends.  I only have a few examples of historical hatreds and do not feel like researching further so if you have a group to hate, please add it in the comments.

*Side note: If you haven’t figured it out already I am being facetious with this post and if you did provide a group to hate in the comments *unless it be satire*, it will be deleted.)

1. Irish – I happen to be of Irish stock, but in the interest of being “fair and balanced” let us leave no group un-hated.

The Irish came to America and as it is well known, the Irish and British did not (and still do not) get along.  Since the British were here first, they did not like all of these “Paddies” coming to their America.  Perhaps they could have used a rally to drum up hatred?  Perhaps they could call it “Restoring our Hertiage” or something like that!  I don’t know, I’m not very good at coming up with political rally names.

In fact, the Irish caused so much trouble that they even named a police vehicle after them which is called the “Paddy Wagon!”

2. Italians

As some of you may or may not know, the term for an Italian was WOP.  This means “Without Pass.”  Therefore, these were ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS of their day!  Further, they came from southern Europe and are a bit different from their Northern neighbors.

Here we have a group that eats different foods (pasta), spoke a different language, were still under the thumb of the Pope  and didn’t have a FRIGGIN PASS!!

I propose that a fun activity for our day of hatred could be to find out which people are the ancestors of the Italians and deport them all.  They came illegally and therefore it would make sense and be oh so fun to see entire families uprooted, put back on boats and sent to Italy.

3.  Polish

– I also have Polish blood, but again, in the interest of hate, none shall be spared.  When I was growing up it seemed that Polish jokes were all the rage in elementary classrooms.  You see, all the jokes make out Polish people to be dumb.  And who were those that often picked on the Polish in my little classroom?  Well, it was that cabal of former illegal immigrants the Italians!

The persecuted become the persecutors and I had to keep my Polish heritage a secret otherwise I would have been tormented forever.  But why is it that Polish people were seen as dumb?

Well, when they came to America the majority of them could not speak English.  Since they could not understand, many people just believed them to be dumb.

4. Religious Groups

– I have a hard time thinking of ONE religious group that has not been hated by others in all of history.  So in the interest of saving time, let’s just combine and hate them all.  Well call it the “CathojewmuslprotesthindmormBuddhsikhzoraster Reformed Universitarian” group.  Again, nobody is spared in our day of hate.  One hates all and all for hate I say!

Now that I have given examples of the past and we have these groups squarely in our hated camp, let’s add more groups by fast forwarding to the present…..

Please keep in mind that hatred is a marathon not a sprint so it would seem that some hatreds have died out.  In order to keep the flames burning let us use our new holiday to revive the old hatred and continually add new ones!  In this manner, we can be sure to stay consistent and make sure everyone feels included.  >:-)

Some in our current political climate have done a spectacular job of spreading the hate.  They hide behind what seems to be honorable intentions but then advocate policies which promote divisions and anger.  Fear and confusion, you guys are spot on, keep up the good ,, er I mean BAD work!

You know what, in the interest of hatred, I do not feel like explaining any of this to all of you, because, you see, I hate everyone and that is the purpose of the holiday.  Instead, let us do a group activity and pick up today’s newspaper.  How many groups can you pick out that you hate?  How many articles feature someone who hates someone else?

Perhaps, we do not even need an official holiday for hatred as it appears to be all around us!  One need simply pick up the news or turn on Fox and the POWER will flow!

In order to keep the momentum going, here are a few tips to help you hate.

1. If someone is different than you, DO NOT interact with them.  Instead, stick with your own group.

2. Use religion for something negative – In the Mexican mafia, they often paint La Virgen de Guadalupe on their guns.  This is so when they fire the bullets, La Virgen will divinely guide the bullet to strike their opponent down.  In a similar manner, you can always say a prayer at a gathering asking God to please make people unlike yourselves go away.  Besides, these people you are asking God to banish are in the wrong religion anyway and God has most likely inspired you to do this (Palin, Beck) so you are simply hating in God’s name!  I assure you you will receive many blessings from our patron and he will smile upon thee.  Just be sure to follow the formula;  let everyone know you  are for freedom and inclusion, then support a policy which advocates the opposite.

3. Throw Mud –  Use the worst possible term you can think of and apply it to your opponents.  Call them Nazis, call them Socialists!   It does not matter if we do not understand the meanings just use it as often as possible anyway.

Along the same lines, do not forget the words spoken by the sage Porter Goss, the former head of the CIA under George W.  “Admit nothing, deny everything and always make counter accusations.”

Our aim here, to use yet another metaphor, is to be much more of the smoke monster rather than Jacob “the eternal optimist.”  There are plenty of reasons to hate so let us turn off Jacob, take smoke monster form and celebrate!  Remember, if you see a candle in the dark, be sure to blow as hard as you can!

By Mateo de Colón

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! (^.^)/


  1. 🙂 — This post was written in reaction to a lot of hate going on in the national media and elsewhere. Seems that some people in leadership positions could use a day like this just to get all the negativity out of their system.

  2. Buying a punching bag also works good. A lot of people need a lot more sex, and everybody would be a lot happier "SEMEN RETENTUM, VENENUM EST", my friend

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